Life’s No Storybook

So I was thinking, believing in fate. I’m a person who believes in fate.

So I’ll leave everything up to fate this time round. If ever, one day, I meet you on the streets, under whatever circumstance, even just for a fleeting moment.

I’ll believe in us again.

I hate being sick and needy. And no one to look after me. *sighs*

So basically what’s going to happen in exactly 4 weeks. Haha my hatch day. I never really thought about that till my housemates mentioned it. I think as you get older, a birthday is just another day. A day that signifies that you got older, and life still throws a shit at you. More importantly, in 4 weeks, my first year of masters is finally over. All that slogging is done for, fineto. Amazing how this one year went by with all those glitches, and what nots. But yes, seemingly so, it will come to an end soon. Sadly so, I’ll actually miss it. Though its real hard work but I’ll miss working with everyone. And I wonder how everyone will be next year, placements and stuff. We’re all doing our thing. Things will no longer be the same. Or rather, things are no longer in a safe context.

Let’s see, what would I wish for this year? For life to throw less shits at me. Just a simple and quiet day. Gone are the days for fancy dinners and parties. I just want the people who mean the most to me to be around and watch me get older. Hah..

In other words, courier my darling to me. =D I haven’t seen that girl in too damn long.

Looking back, it certainly has alot of memories. I have a private blog that I blog on and off mostly when I’m sad. That’s when it happens. So I have been blogging on there from about 2004 to 2008. Today I was reading some back dated entries, just realised that there are many things I have seen and gone through. Regardless, all I have to keep telling myself is that its all only a learning process.

Just a learning process. =D

So here I am again. What is this feeling this time? Mainly what Perly said, “How can something that feels so right be so wrong?”

How can we force something that isn’t meant to be but yet be so hurt at the same time?

就是因为爱才会痛苦。就是因为回忆才会伤心。就是因为想才会哭。不得不放手，可是又是不得不爱。那种感觉，你能体会吗？

红楼梦中      周杰伦

静止了 所有的花开

遥远了 清晰的爱
天弥漫 爱却更喜欢
那时候 我不懂这场爱
你喜欢 站在那窗台
等好久 都没再来
彩色的世界染上无奈
是你留的泪晕开
不要你离开
距离隔不开
思念变成海
在窗外拣不来
原谅说太快
爱成了阻碍
手中的风筝放太快 回不来
不要你离开
回忆划不开
剪你的宠爱
我在等待从来
天空仍在蓝
那挨着大海
情歌被打败
爱已不存在
红楼梦中

is weird. And has a funny way of surprising you in a bad way. I don’t know why I feel this way today. Maybe its just one of those days where I need someone and no one’s there.

Sigh.

I was there last year. Sighs.. I do miss home yet again. Let me leave Perth please.

It has been a while since I last blogged properly. I usually just type one sentence on what I feel. Or the mood of that current day. I do wonder, who reads my blog anymore. Its no longer full of colourful pictures of my exciting life. On the contrary, my life has become rather dull and mundane, doing the same things almost everyday. Take today for example, its National Day. I’m at home alone, with the excuse of doing work. But actually, sadly there’s no one to go out with, there’s no where to go. Where were the days where we celebrated National Day wearing red and white. Or just going out for dinner on weekends. Its just something I have to get accustomed to I guess. But really I shouldn’t be complaining. I just miss Brissy I guess at times like this cos I know that I’ll never be alone there. I’ll never be pushed aside just as a phone call comes. I’ll never be pushed aside when someone comes to visit. I really should learn from my mistakes, unfortunately stupid me never learn. Time and time again, I never learn. But oh wells, bumps along the way should make me stronger or does it?

So recently, a big hoo-hah came about. Something that technically shouldn’t involve me. But I guess, like someone said, we have too much damn time on our hands. Or rather, I’m too bored with my life here and jump at something like that. But really, I know that this issue doesn’t concern me at all. But still hurtful words were exchanged. Its really scary to see 2 girls fight. When its between people of the opposite sex, some reservations are still held. But then when its 2 girls, there’s no holding back. The words just fly, knowing that they hurt, knowing that it may destroy a friendship but yet those words are still said. Why are we such weird creatures? But if we’re not weird, then there’s no need for me to be studying what I am studying then. Coming back to this hoo-hah, I guess it does affect me someone. Seeing the person I really treasure and protect be put in a predictament she doesn’t want to be in. Hearing words that were said behind our backs. Hearing words that just contradict the situation. I may be blinded by these words and not hear any explanations. But I guess its hard to ignore those words. When will this end? When will we be peaceful again?

This is a harsh world. This is reality.

Letting go wasn’t easy. It won’t be easy. But I have taken that step out to do it. I only hope that I know what I’m doing. Hopefully. Really really hopefully.

And now let me enjoy my day off.

So the short holiday ended. I still feel the same way anyways. But I must admit, I really have to thanks friends who try their best to make the pain lesser. Now that I’m going back already, where I have to face the pain alone. Being alone, is going to be a feeling that I’ll aquaint myself with very frequently in the days to come. I guess I have more troubles than really that. Sure, that feeling will suck. It most definately will, but I have bigger problems.

Thank you for being nice. Though sometimes I do wonder where you are, if you ever think of me.

Back to reality I go.